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EVERY NOW AND AGAIN

If you should feel a sense of something not quite remembered
Steal over you just before dropping off to sleep, don’t fight
To stay awake – let the darkness take you – go into the place
Where dreamscape is the reality and all else merely imagined

And should you find yourself staring into space one evening after
Dinner and wondering what it was you meant to do before you
Started to get up from your seat; just sit back down, continue to
Look off into the middle distance, wait until some sign appears

Eventually there will be one, or there won’t, and you might
Be able to go on from there; since they put him in the ground
Over there, you have not been able to tell one thing from another
Morning from night, good from bad, reason from insanity and yet

Every now and again, you feel a spark, a gentle bit of one, barely
Noticeable, you can hardly acknowledge it; it’s so dim this bit
Of brilliance but it’s there and more often each day, it’s there
No matter how much you might want to fight it and you do

If you let yourself believe for half a nano-second in the possibility
Of this spark, you know you will be letting yourself in for a world
Of unremitting heartache and you don’t think you can do that
In fact, you are quite certain that this is not something in the cards

No, you have played more than enough hands of whatever has been
Dealt, and so many cards were passed from the bottom of the deck
But with the acrid taste of cordite in your mouth, as if you were sucking
The barrel of a gun, you realize, that taste is just an imagined one

Should you finally decide to give it all up and stop yourself from doing
Any of it, no matter what the prevailing fashion of the day dictates
Choose your method carefully – do only what you desire most and care
Not what others think; that’s a fool’s game, as well you know, yes?

S.E.Ingraham©

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9 thoughts on “EVERY NOW AND AGAIN

  1. What I really love about this is that this was my response when my father died as well. I would sit, lost, looking for an answer. They finally came when I stopped trying to control this uncontrollable thing. This is a wise and comforting write – i loved it. thanks Moskowitz

  2. Ouch! How to deal with such grief? This piece is bleak and oblique, and yet powerful.

    Made me taste the gun, and wonder. A permanent solution to temporary problems…

    The advice at the end seems to be to seize the day and live by your own lights, because life is too short. Seems best.

    Life is a gift, after all. And we are so long dead, so briefly alive!

  3. Whew, a strong grief piece. I felt it all the way through…. Grief comes just as you expressed it…sometimes when going to sleep, sometimes when doing something else; and I agree that a person has to decide, when that spark comes, whether one wants to ‘go there’ or not.

  4. such a well written piece. Love the tone and tempo, wonderful illustration of prose poetry at it’s finest here. Thanks

  5. Wow, Sharon. I wasn’t expecting the turn of events but you have captured grief so beautifully.

  6. since they put him in the ground
    Over there, you have not been able to tell one thing from another…well that right there captures the rather lost feeling….the sucking the barrel of the gun in light of this is emotive as well…really well crafted piece…

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